I had my first child at 19 so I was actually just a child myself really. I still hadn’t worked out who I really was and what my purpose was. Up until then I’d been in and out of dreadful relationships and was convinced that a baby would give me the stability and family life I had always craved. I’d had a turbulent childhood and I was a reckless teenager with absolutely zero self-confidence or self-worth.
Fast forward 24 years. Several more turbulent relationships, a 14-year happy marriage, 4 more children, and separation I came to realise that I didn’t even know who I was.
What is my identity?? Who is Lindsay Nash??
I had spent 24 years serving others. Pleasing people, boyfriends, a husband, friends, bosses but more predominantly attending to my children’s every need.
Yes, I have completed a full-time university degree during this time. I have attempted several business ideas, worked in various jobs. However, I didn’t do any of these things with myself at the forefront of my mind I did them all for the benefit of my children. I need more money to clothe, feed, and give my children the things ‘they need’……(children don’t need half the things I thought they did).
Years back I even stayed in an abusive relationship because when the man wasn’t drunk and abusing me he was ‘so kind and loving’ to my children. So I accepted the abuse as in my opinion I was worth nothing. My children needed a father figure. How crazy is that!! As always I lived by that craving for ‘perfect family life’. My idea of this was clearly completely skewed.
So, isn’t that normal I hear you ask?? It’s normal for a mother to put her children first before anything and anyone else including herself isn’t it?
Ok well, let me answer that with some wisdom that I have only just taught myself over the past year while I have been in the midst of absolute heartbreak after my husband decided that married life was no longer for him.
I am a Human Being That Deserves Love and Respect.
I have been on a tremendous journey of self-discovery. Something I think I have been on for around 5 years but probably most of my life if I’m honest. What I have worked out, and some may not agree, is that by putting my children before my needs in every aspect of life, I have not been true to myself, my values, and my purpose, and I have not been a great mother.
I have led my tribe from a place of huge limiting beliefs buried within my head. I have led them with low self-esteem and self-worth and they have witnessed their mother give absolutely ‘no shits’ for herself or her own existence.
Is this good parenting??
Is this what I want my children to parent like when they have children??
No, it is not!!!
I assumed I was being the best mum in the entire world by doing absolutely everything for my children. Rarely and I mean rarely ever doing anything for myself and when I did it felt uncomfortable.
If there was ever an emergency on a plane I would’ve been the mum to put her child’s air mask and life jacket on before her own, as I assume that’s what a good mum would do. But it isn’t! If you can’t breathe or float then how can you help your children? You need to lead by example not by a place of putting yourself last!
If you want to be the best role model to your children you have to show them that your voice counts. That you matter. That you are a human being with feelings, ambitions, and dreams. I stopped having ambitions and dreams years ago and lived my life through my kids’ eyes. This was not healthy for the mind, body, or soul and certainly wasn’t healthy for my children.
What would’ve happened if I had carried on like that??
I would just be a shell of a person when they all left home. No one to look after and make me feel ‘needed’. I wouldn’t have a clue who I was.
Hello Lindsay Nash!!
Finally, I have an Identity.
Thankfully I have come to realise that I am worth so much more. I am an intelligent, passionate woman with so much to give to this world through my own right. I have learned to dream again and set myself goals that are MY goals! They’re what I want. They will make my children proud but I am not doing them for my children I am doing them for myself and to help many of the other amazing WARRIOR MUMS that, through motherhood have lost their identities and who they truly are. The mothers that are not living in alignment with their values and their purpose because they feel like if they did they would be bad mothers!!
I am here to tell you that you are your children’s window to the world. You are their biggest role model. I don’t know about you but I want my children to grow up to be courageous, resilient, kind, and empathetic adults that strive to live their dreams and goals on their own terms and need permission from no one to do this. I want them to put themselves first (not in an egotistical way) and understand they are perfect as they are and to give love and kindness to others and equally to themselves.
When you give love and kindness to yourself you find it much easier to give and receive love. I hope my children make a huge impact in the world by lifting others up through love and courage.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. It comes directly from my heart. If this has resonated with you and you feel that you may have lost yourself then please click on the link and send me an email and I will reach out to you and help you become the role model that your children need. This will start with a free PDF that gives you a 7-day step by step guide to help you start to build your self-confidence and regain your identity.
We have got this Mum Warriors!
Lots of Love and Courage